i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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