If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
