you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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