I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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