guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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