Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
