I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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