Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
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Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
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I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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