i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
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I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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