I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Green mimosas i think yes
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
