i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
