Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
