so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
