I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
