I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
