Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
