A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
