I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
