So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
