my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
