thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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