We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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