OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
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