So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
