Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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