she woke up with a sticky ear
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
