Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
