Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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