he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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