No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
