Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
