You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
