She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
