Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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