Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
