every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Dicks are not precious.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
