don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
