cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
