Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
