Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
