so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
