Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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