Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
