TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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