left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
