Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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