don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
