the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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