I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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