Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I supernannyed him into submission
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
