I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
This is the high leading the old right now
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize