Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize