college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
