if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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