I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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