shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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