The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
