I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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