Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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