There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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