Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
