Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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