i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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