ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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