at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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