im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
