honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
