Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
