angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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