Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
