Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
