Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
